Helplessly in Love

 I fell in love with you a long time ago. Many boys did fell in love with you in those days. I wrote letters to you. Twice. Love letters. I tolerated the ridicules made by my friends when the letter was found out and exposed for reading to everybody. I wrote to you that I will make you my queen.

You are not my queen yet. But since then, you have been living, both in my life and my dreams, as a princess. More than nine years have gone by and you are still the princess to me. 

I knew, you have already become a queen to someone else. And its not a problem for me because I am happy for you.

The problem that is creeping up, it is humiliating for me. And I am beginning to think. I am beginning to think harder, clearer. I am beginning to care about whats actually wrong, and what about my self-esteem? No! Its more of the value that my love holds for me, and so for you too. Because I am already a grown-up man. And I value the priceless innocent love I felt for you, which I still feel for you. Its once in a lifetime, and I am all alone to keep it glowing. There's a shame creeping up inside my head as I think harder. Not because I fell in love with your eyes, and yes! your smiles too. But because what the world's going to say tomorrow ! What your friends are already talking today and will be talking tomorrow.

I am scared of what you may lead yourself to believe in the future. What if you stop giving a damn about me? What if your pride grows higher than that I can reach out? I will think then, what a life of shame I am living for. I will hate myself for still loving  you. Because you would have already started comparing successes in your life with the successes of my life. I didn't love you to compare me or judge me. I want to be valued by you because that's the least I can hope for loving you and I am sure that I love you.

So, what lies ahead I do not have any idea, but I am going to buckle up and race up to the front, I am going to take you over. Because you may not look back if I keep running behind you, but I will surely turn and look back towards you wherever you are, even if I would have to turn backward. Lets wish my love good luck!